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Saturday, December 16, 2006
I'd like to ask where you've gone to but in some ways that's not valid.
What do you do with missing parts of a person,
especially when you cant quite tell which part it is that's missing?
But you know, for sure (or could it just be your mad imagination)
that something's gone.
I'd like to ask - ''do you remember the time when - ''
but I don't because if you were to say no,
that would mean a kind of separation greater than the one I had imagined.
If the present is a disconnect,
and history is no longer shared,
then I've run out of pathways to hope.
I wonder if I too have lost parts here and there,
and if that makes you sad in any way.
remember this?
""Even though you're far away from me, know that without fail each day you're part of the conversation I have with God.
That I pester Him for the best people that you can have, to come your way.
That you get the best kind of work that'll stretch your capability and bring you fulfillment.
I pray that angels will guide your path and keep you safe.
I'd never finish what'd I have to say.
Fortunately, with us it never had to be that we voiced out everything.
What wasn't explicitly expressed, spoke so much more.
It'd never be an abrupt ending then; you'd not need me to sign off telling you how much you're loved.""
-Sept 2005. the letter i wrote before u left for london.
I'm afraid of reactions, yours and mine;
I'm afraid of unmet secret expectations that translate into secret disappointments,
the worst kind.
sigh.
Flowers are gone, packing away memories is never easy.
the orange box seems so so small, way too small to keep our memories.
went through the numerous letters u wrote, and smiling at certain ones, esp the one where u asked me to be ur gf.
and the presents and lil notes on serviettes!!! i still have all of them.
where's our photo scrap book? and where is our diary??
i was searching for them, until i realised its with u, in london.
Developed snapshots of london, still lie in a corner of my room,
unopened, unfiled. (it was supp to be our project when u were back a few mths back)
I guess it'll always be untouched, till the day i muster enough courage to pick them up.
Its so hard.
mum keeps asking about u, when u'll be back for the hols, why haven't you come visit, why i never talk on the phone with u..
sigh. and everytime that happens,
i'll run up to my room and cry. and cry and cry.
its amazing how well i've managed to deceive her these last 6 mths.
i really don't know how to tell her. its over.
sigh.
i don't know how to react to u.
my heart aches so much,
i wonder if it'll ever be ok again.
posted by sharonk on
11:27 AM