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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I fight these tears by your bedside
How dare I let you see me cry
Like wild horses running, scared
From a storm that's too much to bear
It's sad, the things you used to fear
Don't seem so bad
Don't let them scare you
And I wish that I was there when you took that fall
I'm too weak to pick you up
But I would've laid down in this puddle beside you
'Cause it's all that I can do
I didn't have the heart to tell you
It's really bad
It's really bad this time
Your wings weren't meant for this
This weather that no one guessed
Your paper wings got ruined in the rain

You were the one with all the faith
how did you let it slip away?
That's right, I'm blaming this all on you and the little things you didn't do.
We both knew that you were stronger, could have fought a little longer.
You didn't hold it tight enough.
You lost your grip and I slipped right through your fingers.
I fell in love then fell apart.
You tried to run, I tried to hide,
still we managed to collide.
Fell so hard, matching scars.
Held you close,
felt so far.

best song by Cauterize i find.

feel so damn messed up.
i'm conflicted..
sigh..

i just wanna run away.
i feel so lost, so inadequate.
i'm glad for u, i'm happy you're here.
but when u go,
when i'm alone and the tears come,
i don't like being alone.

"how are u? u're ok right?" u ask.
"yep, i'm good. all's good." i answer.

this is what a telephone conversation has become,
words compressed into seconds and minutes and the gradual slip and slide of time.
this is what it is like when you hear the huskiness of a familiar voice crackling over thousands of kilometres and creeping into your temples.
this is the abstraction of distance when we both pause, the silence caving in.

so my definition of nostalgia is like a hurried photograph:
we are standing at a traffic light (in-between the pulse of hundreds and hundreds of people)
and you are whispering something into my ear and i am a sudden smile
and we part.

i remember, i think..
i hate it when memories hit me so hard i can't run.
though how hard i try.
i really do try..

i'm happy you're happy, wherever u are,
whoever u're with, whatever u're doing..
but sometimes,
just sometimes...
i find myself thinking about u.
and wonder, do u still think about me?
whether u still care, whether u still wonder how i'm doing,
whether u still think about us, and what we cld be.

Sigh.
i've moved on.
I shldnt be thinking abt all these..
one part of me has resigned to the fact that you're gone,
another part misses u, and a part of me tells me things will never be the same as before,
that everythings over and we can't go back to the way we were before.

although i still love u all the same

sigh.
give me back my rose tinted memories and laughter,


sigh.
on to happier things.
i've found a part time job..
for a productions company
i'm enjoying myself, just that, i'm so dead tired.

Finally found a day to go shopping yesterday!
whilst jinny had her 'sacred monday' off hahaha..
i love to shop in town on weekday afternoons..
less crowds, less jostling, more air.
well. i splurged on a pair of black pointed stilletos frm ALDO.
retail therapy is good.
and oh, christmas decorations are up! so pretty..
i guess they're helping to make me a lil happier..
ooh,
caught the movies Step up and Flushed away!

i guess its these little things in life that helps keep my mind off the depressing things.

thank you.
for being you.
thanks for everything,
thanks for the talks, the walks,
the pretty things that i want,
the 'staying awake till 3am' cos i can't sleep
thanks for encouraging me, thanks for showing me that life 'cld be worse' and making me realise how lucky i am.
thanks for showing me care, thanks for taking my bad moods..
thanks for sticking around.

^.-




posted by sharonk on 1:17 PM