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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
i hate it that im so freaking bitter at times and that im a cynic.
it's very hard being distrusting, paranoid, helpless.
it makes me scared and confused about things.
it's easier to live with your eyes closed i'd like to say.
I just wish i would stop feeling, stop hurting and stop crying.
is it really normal that you have days when you just want to bawl your eyes out at weird times
and you dont even know the reason why?
and then you get annoyed when people call you overly emo
and you want them to go away and leave you alone to drown alone in your headphones...
at least then your thoughts arent all over the place,
and the f*cking silence in yourt head and your heart goes away.
at least the music is company enough.
albeit temporary, it's still better than a consistent void.
the irony is that i feel safest when im alone at home,
accompanied by intelligent books. sometimes i feel so ugly inside out,
i feel like i dont want to face anyone or go anywhere.
and in the event that im actually out, i want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. sometimes i dont want to exist,
because it's too taxing. (not to worry, im not suicidal.)
sigh.
don't get me wrong,
life's good. everything's going good.
just ,
you know sometimes it's amazing how something so nostalgic
can come back again just like that.
lost for so long, found in an instant.
oh well.
read a friend's blog and it just made me wish i was where she was.
Reading her daily trips around town, seeing the things/places i miss so dearly,
made me envious.
makes me want to leave this country even more.
sigh.
what if everything was what it seemed, and you never had to doubt anything or anyone?
am i hoping for too much?
everything's getting so jumbled and complicated,
im afraid i might fall off the face of this earth because of my incompetency to understand this madness.
maybe i should start keeping to myself,
because my attempts to open up is always foiled.
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
"You'll rescue me right?
Cos they never did."
posted by sharonk on
11:01 PM