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Monday, September 04, 2006
"I'm afraid I'll never see you again when you leave again, and I won't be able to say goodbye."
I think spontaneity can sometimes be my slippery downfall.
this is going to be a long entry.
I simply have too many things in my mind.
Meeting Mal always gives me a slight reality check;
today we met up for lunch, he came to pick me and when we met, his face opened up into a grin - he still looks the same, the confident swagger and baggy clothes.
Perhaps I ought to call it bravado, but he's all human and raw and real so it wouldn't exactly be fair, would it.
But seeing him makes me deprived of any emotions to speak of,
just a flickering nostalgia of night and day and laughter and tears.
There's always that profound intensity of yearning,
that quiet desperation you attempt to mask when you want so badly to leap beyond confines,
scramble through all the clutter of time and space and emptiness and arrive at that snug enclave of happiness.
I choose to believe that life can be simple,
that although I may have that slightly anti-establishment nature I do not want to complicate happiness.
I do not want to rebel for the sake of rebelling, because I am without a cause,
and to impose a cause I do not wholly enthuse with on myself would be tantamount to betrayal,
and I cannot do that.
Pardon me, I am not the ultimate humanitarian,
I am not the idealistic cynic (although I respect them so much and envy them a little) who feels passionately about life and ideals and can slot so many things into place,
but I am myself, and that is the way I shall grow and tackle life.
The eternal optimist is not the perpetual deluded soul.
We should love more, and think less. There can never be too much of real love.
Human love, great as it is
But when I attempt to compare it to God's deluge of love for us and me,
everything else pales and I find myself kneeling in reverent awe.
"And right now,
in the good times and bad,
You are on Your throne
You are God alone.
Unchangeable.Unshakeable.Unstoppable.
That's what You are."
posted by sharonk on
3:28 PM